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Scattered Birthday Musings

It is my last week as a 25 year old. This seems to be a prime occasion to mourn the passing of my youth. 26 says, Welcome to adulthood, officially, inescapably, and finally.

The strangest thing about getting older has been the steady loss of people to Look Up To. In its stead is the challenge to live entirely as the best version of myself. With regular updates. I’m up to it.
Over the last year we’ve added a third babe to the team. Peach is now 6 months old, which itself is a milestone. She is becoming mobile, and it’s my pleasure to watch her increase her grasp on the world each day. Round three is easy peasy, and I know how to enjoy it properly.
My oldest, Alex, will be starting grade 2 in September. We’ve been exploring education options for our second child, three year old Cezar, who could start preschool (or homeschool,) this year or next. My first and second children are opposites in many of their strengths and learning styles, which has kept me on my toes but occasionally feeling out of my depth. I have properly acknowledged that it is my duty as a parent and mother to help them level and unlock skills that will allow them to express their inner selves to the greatest extent. I believe that it is free expression that gives us the best possible chance at a happy life for ourselves, and the cultivation of that expression can extend that into a rich life that serves others. Get those two pieces in place and you have a free, happy, rich (in life,) woman or man. When I’m having a particularly trying day, I try to remind myself of the ultimate simplicity of my role.
I am not religious, and I have been spending a lot of time thinking about ways to help my children (and myself,) develop as pro-social empathic beings without having top down systems of objective morality (such as the biblical sort,) as short cuts to ‘doing the right thing.’ I recognize that churches can provide the benefit of a durable social fabric, and create a sense of cohesion and belonging among followers. It’s for that reason I’ve enjoyed many of the churches I’ve casually attended over the years, despite often having to chew my tongue (hard) through the sermons. I still live in a predominantly Christian town, so a parallel local community of joyful NON-believers is something I’d love to see happen in my life time.  I’ll send out a newsletter when I swing open the doors to my visionary atheist anarcha-feminist church in downtown Abbotsford.
Happy Birthday to Me!

Startup Cities and Adventures in Central America

The past 6 months have been full of adventures. We have dividing our time between our home outside of Vancouver, Guatemala City, and Honduras. My partner and I are part of a Startup Cities project in Honduras (more info: as well as a software startup. I have also been developing a proposal for a new school, as well as founding my own education software startup. (To be announced!) As if that doesn’t sound busy enough, I also became a landlord for the first time 4 months ago.

I’ll play catch-up a bit now, in order to document a few highlights of the past year.

Some of the Startup Cities weekend participants


Last July was the Startup Cities Weekend, at Universidad Francisco Marroquín. It was my own first time in Guatemala city, (Jon had already been working there regularly,) and it was a brilliant occasion for my first introduction to Central America. The weekend conference at UFM brought together a group of movers, thinkers, and shakers on the startup city front lines all over the world.

In a nutshell, startup cities are about spurring social, political, and economic change through new, innovative, and competing jurisdictions. They can be seen as the next generation of the 20th century idea of special economic zones; they are clean slates for experimenting with accessible law, radical government transparency, and new technologies. I have long been an advocate of Land Value Tax, and have been working hard to ensure it will be included in new jurisdictions. Startup cities can and will emerge in host countries all over the world, and the most actively interested in their potential has been Honduras, who passed ZEDE legislation last year to allow for the creation of such regions.



Urban Planning session

Brainstorming session on Urban Planning strategies for startup cities

Speaking to Spencer Heath MacCallum, who published “The Enterprise of Community.”

Cezar was the youngest startup cities weekend participant

With Katerina, originally from Russia, who moved to Guatemala from Canada with her husband Dan to work on the startup city!

with our friend Magatte Wade, a great speaker and entrepreneur

brunch in the hotel with Cezar

Babywearing daddy

After the weekend, some of our crew went on to Honduras.

Gabriel and Jon of Elevator Cities

Honduras, here we come!

flying into Tegucigalpa, Honduras

Most of my first time in Honduras was for meetings, and we were staying in an apartment in a gated community, (for safety reasons,) where I could take cezar to restaurants, the movie theatre, an amusement park, and a mall. Unfortunately I was not able to explore as much as I would have liked on that trip, but we did get the chance to visit a few small towns and rural areas.

A roadside food business run by a woman and her family that we stopped at. I tried corn pancakes and pudding. Both very good– a hint of cinnamon.

Young men crafting handbags in the back of a leather goods store.

Kids’ soccer game in a park

A cabbage trail on the hillside

We also spent time later on exploring areas most stricken by poverty and pollution, which really gave me an appreciation for just how important the Honduran ZEDEs are for increasing access to opportunities for those desperately want and need them. I came away with a renewed sense of appreciation, and also excitement to spend more time in Guatemala and Honduras in the year to come.

Gender-reversed fiction: The Godmother

I have never gotten into the book, The Godfather by Mario Puzo, and have found the movies difficult to relate to. Likely because men are having all the fun, and I’m not a man. Last night I decided to try a different strategy. Gender Reversal. I adapted Chapter 1&2, more to come perhaps, and thought it was both entertaining and thought-provoking:



Book One

Chapter 1

Behind every great fortune there is a crime – Balzac

Amelia Bonasera sat in New York Criminal Court Number 3 and waited for justice; vengeance on the women who had so cruelly hurt her son, who had tried to dishonor him.

The judge, a formidably heavy-featured woman, rolled up the sleeves of her black robe as if to physically chastise the two young women standing before the bench. Her face was cold with majestic contempt. But there was something false in all this that Amelia Bonasera sensed but did not yet understand.

“You acted like the worst kind of degenerates,” the judge said harshly. Yes, yes, thought Amelia Bonasera. Animals. Animals. The two young women, glossy hair crew cut, scrubbed clean-cut faces composed into humble contrition, bowed their heads in submission.

The judge went on. “You acted like wild beasts in a jungle and you are fortunate you did not sexually molest that poor boy or I’d put you behind bars for twenty years.” The judge paused, her eyes beneath impressively thick brows flickered slyly toward the sallow-faced Amelia Bonasera, then lowered to a stack of probation reports before her. She frowned and shrugged as if convinced against her own natural desire. She spoke again.

“But because of your youth, your clean records, because of your fine families, and because the law in its majesty does not seek vengeance, I hereby sentence you to three years’ confinement to the penitentiary. Sentence to be suspended.”

Only forty years of professional mourning kept the overwhelming frustration and hatred from showing on Amelia Bonasera’s face. Her beautiful young son was still in the hospital with his broken jaw wired together; and now these two animales went free? It had all been a farce. She watched the happy parents cluster around their darling daughters. Oh, they were all happy now, they were smiling now.

The black bile, sourly bitter, rose in Bonasera’s throat, overflowed through tightly clenched teeth. She used her white linen pocket handkerchief and held it against her lips. She was standing so when the two young women strode freely up the aisle, confident and cool-eyed, smiling, not giving her so much as a glance. She let them pass without saying a word, pressing the fresh linen against her mouth.

The parents of the animales were coming by now, two women and two men her age but more American in their dress. They glanced at her, shamefaced, yet in their eyes was an odd, triumphant defiance.

Out of control, Bonasera leaned forward toward the aisle and shouted hoarsely, “You will weep as I have wept– I will make you weep as your children make me weep”– the linen at her eyes now. The defense attorneys bringing up the rear swept their clients forward in a tight little band, enveloping the two young women, who had started back down the aisle as if to protect their parents. A huge bailiff moved quickly to block the row in which Bonasera stood. But it was not necessary.

All her years in America, Amelia Bonasera had trusted in law and order. And she had prospered thereby. Now, though her brain smoked with hatred, though wild visions of buying a gun and killing the two young women jangled the very bones of her skull, Bonasera turned to her still uncomprehending husband and explained to him, “They have made fools of us.” She paused and then made her decision, no longer fearing the cost. “For justice we must go on our knees to Donna Corleone.”

Continue reading →

Friendship, Drake, and Jealousy

Making casual friends isn’t hard but for some reason forging deeper connections can be.

(I’m going to give you something a little meatier today since the feature of my last post was Ziggy’s deli meats.)

I don’t like shallow friendships, where the only actionable mandate is comparing each other’s lives, collecting gossip fodder, or whatever other narcissistic reason one might have for maintaining loose connections that don’t dare tread deeper waters.

Looking at my own Inner Circle, there have been not just tears and laughter, which are easy even with strangers, but also anger, ranting, the revelation of doubt, and ugliness. Inner Circles shouldn’t be a Circle Jerk (click if you don’t know,) but they should sometimes include humping.

Yes, I’ve humped some of my friends, and now I’ve blogged about it.

Some people you meet and you know right away they have their switch turned ON.  Alive, kicking, present, multi-faceted, sensitive, ruthless, and sometimes the Elephants in the Room. My people!

I have been making a conscious effort to nurture more of these relationships. There are so many people that have stood out to me, with whom I intuited a connection with; yet, for whatever reason (age, timing, social convention,) I was too afraid to actually make it with. Or too comfortable with my lot to be the one to make the effort.

And sometimes, the strongest, unspoken connections are also the most volatile.
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School Lunch Ideas

This is my first year packing school lunches.

We try to keep grain-free and mostly unprocessed, so that eliminates the easy costco toss-and-go type snack foods.

Protein is a must in every lunch.

Everything gets prepared the night before, since mornings are too hectic. Extras get put in the fridge for easy access for the two-year-old.

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My life is a John Mayer song (or Why I quit Instagram)

Remember dreaming of the days when we would get to make the rules? Welcome to them!

“Here are the keys to the world. Oh, and it’s a mess. And the instruction manual was written by a bunch of bronze-age goat-herders.”

I started writing this post about why I deleted my personal Instagram account. After a few different versions, I realized that what I am most uncomfortable with is the weird roleplay I feel myself becoming immersed in.

Real feelings are more important than narcissistic bullshit, so I’ll strive for the former. 

filter? check! clothes? check!  fun? check!

I think society has a problem. Overscheduled yet isolated. I have at least half a dozen appointments or obligations throughout my average day, and yet I’m lucky if even one of them centers on building a meaningful long-term connection that brings me closer to being the person I truly want to be.

Taking pictures of shoes and sunsets, and following 100 other peoples’ versions of the same is, shockingly, neither helpful nor meaningful to me. Does this filter make my life look more exotic? Do these emoticons convey the right level of playfulness? Oh look, I have the same shoes and accessories as everyone else I follow but don’t actually know, and I post this photo so maybe you will think I’m as cool as I think they are. They have so many friends. People like them.

As it turned out, following more people only made me feel more lost.

This realization was staggering.

Wait, what’s wrong with sunsets?

From the time I started to read, I heard the old quips and saying about “that adult world” being too busy, too superficial, and too empty. I understood from an outsider’s perspective. I cared too deeply, thought too much, and spent too much time immersed in my private pursuits to be able to imagine entering That Adult World. It was unfathomable. I didn’t know what mine would look like when I got there, but I decided it had to be just as raw and playful as my then-current reality.

I never felt like a child, and I promised myself I would remember that so that I would never be as dismissive and patronizing to kids as I felt people were to me. What I felt was powerful and vulnerable. I had Big Questions, and my life was journey in pursuit of discovery. The fact that society was wrong was a possibility I always kept in mind.

The phrase I remember etching into a notebook was “Remember the way my 13 year-old heart beat furiously in my chest.”

I looked forward to deep adult relationships. Surely without childhood restrictions they must be so intense and unyielding! What I didn’t realize at the time was that my relationships then were as deep as they probably would ever be. The experience was as powerful as it would ever be; and, as raw.

And now here I am, an accidental adult, who is taking my children to and from organized activities that I sit and watch. Grocery shopping as a frazzled woman telling my kids to quit asking for things. I constantly find myself in these unknown environments. Well, familiar environments but in some other role. “The other side” of childhood. The one facilitating, worrying, making rules, and being all adulty with the other awkward parents.

Yes, it is just as terrifying and non-fun as it sounds.

So what does that have to do with deleting some of my profiles? My love-hate relationship with Facebook is another topic entirely, but I do have time to  be present in my own life.

Read more, write more, live more. For starters.

Meet you there.

Extended Breastfeeding

By most standards, I am an extended breastfeeder.

My eldest still nursed sometimes at 5 years old, (by then it was not often,) and my nearly 2 year old is still going strong.

Perhaps because of this, I often get asked for my views on when a child should wean.
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Teaching Kids About Death

I find it frustrating to see people sugar-coat the concept of death for children.

Death is painful concept, and it might be comforting to tell ourselves stories about seeing our loved ones again in an after-life, to romanticize the losses we’ve endured and the one that others will face on our behalf, but ultimately they are better served by knowing that after our youth we begin to physically and mentally degenerate and ultimately cease to be.

If children can be taught the reality as we witness it, instead of tales of heaven and angels we have been told ourselves, then we have a fair shot of understanding our physical interplay with the environment; learning how to save lives, extend or regain physical health, and ultimately have a greater positive effect with the wisdom and knowledge that we accumulate over what is currently a short and tumultuous lifetime, before we disappear from society and influence and degenerate into a romantic memories.

When my children ask about dying I want them to know that they can learn how to help themselves and others extend or regain their health if they are willing to devote serious time to pursuing science and understanding how things work. As for the process of deterioration that we have been taught to think of as natural and part of the ‘circle of life?’ That too can be re-defined if we are willing to devote ourselves to learning. There are many life forms that live longer than we do, including some that are functionally immortal. There is much to learn here.

I find the urgent reality to be more hopeful than any wishful-thinking tales of an afterlife. Let’s learn to save more people in THIS life. I reject the mythology that has us perpetually looking for comfort in the next.

5 tips for successful breastfeeding

Breastfeeding your child helps ensure their optimal development, and offers many positive effects for you as well. Here are 5 simple strategies that will help your breastfeeding relationship get off to a great start:

1. Build your support system.

If you have a partner or family nearby, ensure they are educated as to why this is so important to you and your baby (KellyMom and Dr. Sears are must-haves for your bookmarks,) and have them help you in any way they can.

Whether or not you have the support of those around you, join an online community of moms who have experience and expertise. Some of the Facebook communities that I find helpful are: Dispelling Breastfeeding Myths, and Natural Parent Magazine.

Many pregnancy and baby forums, like also have groups specifically dedicated to breastfeeding. The social nature of these groups also ensures you have a relatively anonymous place to vent and ask questions you may not feel comfortable talking to your friends and family about.

2. Keep your baby close.

Plan to be holding or wearing your baby most of the day in the first months. Having the baby in-arms will make it easier to nurse on demand and become aware of her cues. Wearing your baby is the most practical way to meet her needs and yet still be able to go about your daily life. The Moby Wrap is a great product for newborns and infants, and is both comfortable and beautiful. Youtube has great video tutorials for how to wear and nurse your baby in different holds.

Nightime is a peak time for breastfeeding, so rather than worry about losing sleep to nightfeedings, maximize your comfort and convenience by cosleeping. Easy access to the breast at night means you are less likely to need to physically get out of bed for feeds, and before long, will be able to remain asleep when your baby becomes accustomed to helping herself. I always sleep topless for this reason, though in the early months I was prone to leaking and soaking the bed, so I always had extra layers underneath us. I plan to write more about strategies for successful cosleeping in the future.

3. Don’t have formula. 

When you are going through challenges, a bottle of formula can be tempting and seem harmless. However, in the early months, missing feeds will make it more difficult to establish a supply, since your body responds to the demand. Nipple-preference is another problem for babies who develop a preference for the fast-flow of the bottles. To avoid these problems, Put the baby to your breast as soon as possible after birth, and allow her to suckle as often as she likes thereafter. By keeping formula out of the house, you minimize temptation, and can focus on meeting the challenges with your baby and getting to the next stage. (It gets easier, and the early challenges are so worth it!) If you are worried about intake, you can monitor your baby’s weight gain with your doctor. Remember, it takes up to a week for your milk to come in, so early weight loss is normal and expected. Barring rare situations, this is not a reason to supplement.

Don’t listen to anyone who says you must put the baby on a schedule or nurse at set intervals. Remember that barriers to successful nursing for many of us are largely psychological ones, so this is when to call on your support system to encourage you and help you not to feel alone or overwhelmed.

4. Get comfortable nursing in public.

If you don’t want to feel trapped at home, you will before long want to venture out with your baby, and you will likely need to nurse her at least once if you are planning to be out for more than an hour. Again, this is where having a support network will come in handy. When you realize how many other new parents have faced the same apprehension about baring their breasts in public, it will be easier to conquer any fear and do what needs to be done.

There are plenty of outspoken advocates of normalizing public breastfeeding to look to for support and inspiration, and I try to be one myself. I don’t wear a cover since I believe it is important that more young people see people nursing in public. That, and I found the cover to be a hassle.

If you don’t wish to be an iconoclast, there are plenty of stylish and discreet nursing covers that will offer you and your baby some privacy. I find it helpful to nurse while wearing the baby in the sling, wrap, or ergo carrier, which is a discreet and hands-free option.

5. Be patient. Zen. 

Many people think that since breastfeeding is ‘natural’ that it is easy and shouldn’t be a learning process. While it certainly becomes easy once you make it past the hurdles, in the beginning it can extremely challenging, both physically and emotionally.

I am a supporter of extended nursing, which is nursing past the age of 2, so I found it helpful not to think too much about time frames or expectations, and instead focus on strengthening my relationship with my baby and body each day, and relax into the process.

I also love Baby-Led Weaning, which means your baby learns to self-feed herself solid food at her own pace, usually sometime after 6 months (mine were over a year before they showed any real interest,) and it takes the pressure off you to introduce solids at any specific time.

The benefits of breastfeeding and reasons why a long nursing relationship is so worthwhile deserves a full post of its own. I hope you find some of these strategies helpful for yourself or in supporting other new parents.

Have you experienced any breastfeeding barriers or have tips to share?  Leave a comment or join the discussion on facebook!

5 ways local libraries can remain relevant

Public libraries were once revolutionary. In times of information scarcity, libraries were the original file-sharing networks that gave people access to books without having to buy them. The librarian’s function as facilitator and curator of knowledge is one that remains more relevant than ever, in different capacities.

DOK Library. +


Faced with the challenge to remain relevant in the post-internet world, many libraries are going digital. In addition to this trend, local and grade school libraries have the opportunity to evolve their role in local communities in order to  build skill-sets, encourage local projects and host new learning opportunities for children. Without further ado, here are some things libraries could adopt:


  1. Provide e-readers and tablets for educational use. Tablets can be stored in protective and durable cases, and can be programmed to only run certain applications. Many children do not have access to expensive devices and applications at home, so libraries are a logical non-profit entity to facilitate the availability of these devices for all.
  2. New and renovated libraries should include a public Hackerspace. (I was in a hackerspace when I saw their rule was “Be Excellent to each other,” which was when I decided NeoParent’s slogan should be, “Be Excellent to the next generation.”)
  3. Non-fiction literature should have a strong focus on involving children in their local community. Examples of locally focused learning include: regional geography/gardening, wiki-groups, social issues, clubs, and local governance issues. Lack of accessibility and accountability to the entire community has long been an issue in local-level politics, and libraries have the opportunity to serve as public information access hubs so that people can gather and come up with local solutions.
  4. Public office space. This one is for adults, but I wanted to include it anyways. For people seeking self-employment online, having a free place to go and work is a huge value if they are either homeless or lack adequate workspace at home. Current public computers often offer extreme time limitations, with no privacy or opportunity to make phone calls. Having a public, work-friendly cubical-style computer lab, with Skype and expensive software access could potentially add a lot of value to the community.
  5. Operate more like Community Schools. I am on the board for a non-profit community school society, which provides educational activities, events, and classes that the public can register for, usually for free, outside of school hours. All classes have a literacy component, and seek to make learning multi-sensory and enjoyable for kids. For example, a cooking class for kids includes learning proportions and basic math calculations. For older kids there are things like homework clubs and self-esteem workshops. I recently learned that our local library is hosting a baby sign-language course. I envision that school libraries in particular could support before-school breakfast clubs by distributing morning newspapers for discussion. I would also like to see more libraries host public courses for graphic design, robotics (and/or makerspaces), and science, as well as host salons (not the hair kind,) to give platform to social issues.

Libraries have potential to create value as community-learning spaces and continue to provide an important service of curation and literacy support for children. It is my vision to see local and school libraries become innovative hives that support these values and allow more people the opportunity to gain new skills and connect with their community.

What else would you like to see in your library? Are there other ways in which community-based learning could be re-imagined? Leave us a comment here or join the discussion on our Facebook!